I was first called to the Plant path by entheogens (known as psychedelic to some), which led me to the Amazon to spend time with Shamans, doing ceremonies and opening my universe in ways beyond what I thought was possible, to not only deepen my understand of the human path, but to also face shadow parts of myself and be witness to the ways in which I was the product to those who came before me as well as receiving wisdoms beyond the reach of the rational mind. While there, a practice that was incredibly supportive was what is called Plant Dieta – which consists in “dieting the spirit of a plant” for an extensive period of time, or in other words becoming intimate with a plant (non-entheogenic), to receive her wisdom, while eating a restrictive diet and having no external distractions in order to make yourself fully available to the wisdom of the plant. This was the start of my initiation into the ways in which plants can be powerful guides for self-exploration and ancient wisdom, beyond the use of entheogens.

However, at that time, I was still addicted to intense and peak experiences, doing ceremonies after ceremonies despite several warning from the Grand-Mother herself that I needed to do the Work myself before she could share anything else with me. It was a time where Ayahuasca tourism wasn’t as developed yet and talks of integration weren’t widespread, and my only framework to make sense of experiences beyond my understanding was this of the shamans who had grown up in a very different understanding of the world and our relationship to the Earth and the Natural world that was labelled as crazy in our culture. In an attempt to reconcile two worlds that were both alive but still somehow separate in me, I embarked on a Master in Psychological and Psychiatric Anthropology back in the UK, as I was also curious in the ways in which powerful inner experiences could not only reframe the ways in which we lived our life but how those experiences could be the fuel needed to implement cultural changes. I went back to the Amazon for my Master’s research and on my return, it became clear – with the help of the brutal honesty of a friend – that my time working with entheogens was over.

This was a highly disorienting time as my whole life revolved around them, and I was planning to pursue an academic career around research on the power of entheogens.  I didn’t know what was to become of me as the most important thing in my life was gone. A big sense of my dentity was gone. Added to that was the fact that I could only see madness in our Western culture, which was so painful after having seen and felt deeply the potential we hold as human and I fell into the deep well of the pain of humanity. A long dark night of the Soul started, where everything I knew or thought I knew was erased, nothing felt alive in me, I didn’t know how to continue living my life and was unable to hold a job or find the stamina to perform simple daily tasks. I return to live with my parents, where my basic needs where cared for, but which was also very challenging as the old in me was dying and at the same time constantly being brought back to my attention.

After over a year during which I felt that all Life had left me, something began stirring again, and I ended up back in England and started to explore different modalities and do intense inner work. Looking back, I see that I was again chasing intense experiences, and while many were necessary in order to shed old skin, there was an addiction to the next thing that would “fix” me.

During that time, I took several introductory courses in herbalism and it was a revelation, like the reuniting with a long lost Love I never knew I had. I already had a profound relationship with Nature and the Earth, attuned to both Her beauty and Her pain, but this opened up a whole new level. Every hedges or wasteland felt like it was holding a plethora of gifts freely bestowed on us by Mother Earth, even if – or especially if – we don’t value what is right under our feet. I never had much ability to remember or recognize plant species, but suddenly, on my walks I would feel call to this or that plant and even though I had never seen them before, I would “recognize” them from the little I had read/learnt in class.

It wasn’t until an encounter with a white dead nettle during a regular 5 Rhythms dance class that the plants made their intentions for me known. I had dropped deep in my body as it often happened when I danced, and suddenly the image of a white dead nettle appeared in my mind’s eyes. I wasn’t too surprised as I had been gathering some of them in the afternoon, but the feeling that accompanied the image was felt very strongly throughout my body. And in my mind’s ears I heard “you’ve been chasing the plant of powers, but what about us? Why don’t you look at us? We all have something to teach you, we’re all here for you, we’re her to support you, why don’t you pay attention”. A wave of tears of gratitude followed, a deep sigh, feeling the relief of knowing  that I was supported, that I had allies on my journey, tears for the beauty and generosity of those Natural Beings, and tears of grief for the time wasted, for my inner superiority at chasing the big, intense, showy Beings and ignoring the others. And also a bit of apprehension, as the plants have a cheeky sense of humour and they made it pretty clear that they had work for me to do, but I didn’t quite know what yet:)

An intimacy with the natural world beyond what I had known before started to unfold.  It also helped me become more attuned to Her natural rhythms and my own, the special texture and gifts of every season and seeing how both inner and outer were a reflection of each other’s. This was the beginning of my true path of integration, to feel and experience in an embodied way, the integration of two worlds that still felt split within me.

I first focused on the ways the plants could supports us at the emotional and spiritual levels, tuning into the wisdom of their subtle quality but still overlooked how they could act as physical allies, traces of putting the spiritual above the physical still present in me. After a few years though, they made it clear that I could not go deeper into my relationship with them until I started incorporating and learning their physical properties more in depth. This was the beginning of my journey into the fascinating work of herbalism, in which I am still – and will be forever – training in, inspired by many wonderful teachers, mainly in the vitalist/holistic and western approach of herbalism. I found that learning more deeply the ways in which my body functions and how the plants can support me in my self-care practices actually enhanced my intuition and my relationship with them.

I can also credit them for my retuning to my home country of France, where I thought I wouldn’t live again. It is them and the Land that call me back there, to my roots, despite my resistance, and through different circumstances and synchronicities led me back to near where I grew up to spend a year on a course in agriculture and different work experiences with plant growers to learn to grow,  wildcraft and prepare plant medicine.

I had never thought that plants will take so much importance in my life and I definitely didn’t plan it. It feels like the plant insinuated themselves into my life as I gave them a little opening, so beware, when you start on the plant path, you’ll never know where it’ll lead; growing a pot plant on your windowsill might not be as innocent as it seems:)

During another dark night of the Soul  7 years later, after letting go with working with an awakened teacher, once again feeling that I was losing my community and everything that was central to my life, I felt the call to simply being Earth apprentice and to let go of any outer authority/teacher, no matter how great they are. Although once again, I felt little energy towards Life, the plants were a thin thread that overtook my thoughts at time and kept me afloat while navigating those difficult waters, but that’s a story for another time!

So far I haven’t been called to work with entheogens again, preferring the more gentle, slow, long term – but no less powerful- way of plant medicine, to nourish my body and soul, and to assist me emotionally and spiritually in places where I might feel stuck. It is however very clear that the plants are not doing the work for me but offering keys, wisdom and support for me to go and unearth the gems buried deep inside me.